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“Tyne O’Connell is the Queen Bee incarnate!” The Daily Telegraph
“Draped in pink and sipping saki in her fashionable London Warehouse,the impossibly glamourous O’Connell!” Elle UK
Tyne O’Connell inhabits the worlds she writes about: exotic, unconventional, off-piste in every way.
Working with artists and artisans like a latter day Medici, Tyne designs her own range of artwork, clothes, jewelry and crocodile accessories under her label Apis Regina; a range which is exclusive to her and which no one else can purchase.
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Contact us: info@tyneoconnell.com |
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tea & frocks |
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"Every Girl has known the embarrassment of an accidental lapse in etiquette. You wonder should I try and cover it up, or brazenly breeze over the error. Fred Astaire once said to Jack Lemmon: "You're at a level where you can only afford one mistake. The higher up you go, the more mistakes you're allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of them, it's considered to be your style. (PS: Girls by nature are always aiming for the top)"
From the Manifesto of Modern Etiquette for Girls:
1) Never attend a meeting, a party or an event that can start without you.
2) Signature champagne is the champagne you want to be known for. It doesn't matter what brand but for the love of Versailles, stick with it. If its Veuve Clicquot (lovely orange label v. refreshing in the morning) you must vow never ever to buy Bollinger just because it's on special offer at the off-license. PS: not only is this an act of disloyalty to your signature brand, but long haul friends will think you vacillating. What will your biographer say? "She always drank Veuve except when Bolly was on sale?" Not a good look.
3) Girls know that nothing social should be serious and rules should never get in the way of a good time. Even that queen of snobbery Nancy Mitford knew this. A year after she expounded her notorious theory on U (upper-class) and non-U (lower class) English usage and behaviour she complained to Evelyn Waugh about societies slavish adherence to her dictates. "I mean really, we've had enough - even I have, and you know how one loves one's own jokes."
4) Politics & opinions. The first thing to remembe is how ever passionately you feel about your opions no one else does. Poilitics and opinions are about freedom of choice and a private affair for the ballot box . If you have a view you wish to air make sure it is amusing and light. As my mother would say before I went on stage and owned up to stage nerves "As if anyone will be looking at you!" If your hostess puts meat on your plate either eat it and declare it delicious or make it look as if you've eaten it and declare it dilicious. If your friend loves fur and you're a payed up member of PETA be gracious when you see her in a new mink. Tell her how adorable and cosy she looks - and mean it!!!. The world does not revolve around any one of us, but by being gracious we can make a real difference.
Etiquette Q & A’s
Q. How do you get away from boring people at cocktail parties?
A. As much as you might feel like impaling your bore on a cocktail stick, your first obligation is to your hostess. Tell your bore that as much as you've enjoyed making their acquaintance, your hostess would no doubt prefer her guests to mingle - the implication being that your desire to escape is born out of obligation to your hostess. Always remember the golden rule of escaping bores, who like batons in a relay must be passed on, so grab a passer by and say. "Darling can I introduce you to my bore."
Q. As a vegetarian I sometimes have to ask if the chef can prepare something special for me without meat and on a number of occasions waiters have made me feel difficult and even embarrassed about making a special request.
A. Ordering off the menu is plainly a matter between you and the kitchen. As long as they are not run off their feet and have the means to accommodate your request, any establishment of note should be delighted to oblige. It is a very mean establishment indeed that makes itself feel smart by humiliating its diners. If you ever have occasion to feel that restaurant staff are being unnecessarily grand or high handed in their determination not to oblige you, offer them an enema. I advise always having a purse-sized one on hand - excellent when faced with bad tempered cab drivers, beady-eyed shop assistants and haughty airline personal.
Q. If you're splitting the bill with friends, who should order the wine?
A. The wine should be chosen democratically and ordered by the shyest girl present as it is she who needs the practice.
Q. Help! I am hosting a formal dinner party and don't know how to set or lay a table.
A. Do you know how to book a Virgin Upper Class flight to the Bahamas because you are going to need it if you refuse to abandon this madness of throwing your own dinner parties. White damask is always best - but even a linen sheet will do as long as it's pressed and the crease runs down the middle. The centrepiece should be arousing and capable of distracting your guests from any tiny mistakes you might make along the way - I find a la Perla bra wrapped around a bunch of candles just the thing. If you have a butler (I long to believe you do) have them place table mats an inch away from the edge of the table. Silverware is arranged in the order it will be used, including the desert spoons and forks - never place them above the place mats. Forks are always arranged on the left. The blades of knives always face inwards. The bread knife does not go on the side plate! Cloth napkins - never paper, should be placed on the side plate or the place mat - don't fold them into clever shapes and never stick them in a glass. Glasses are placed on the right-hand side of the setting above the dinner knife and arranged from back to front in the order they will be used. The water glass is placed to the left of the wine glasses. Phew! PS: Please do reconsider whisking everyone off to Chez Nico?
Q. Can you tell me how I accept compliments from men I don't know? I always feel so embarrassed.
A. It's absolutely acceptable for men to pay you a compliment, but slap-worthy for them to stare rudely or make crude noises. The rules of etiquette are mostly based on practical concerns and consideration of others. In instances where there is a gross disregard of etiquette, the correct form for Girls - who as a breed are always wearing heels - is to step discreetly, but firmly on the miscreant's foot.
Q. My boyfriend took me to The Sanderson for a romantic dinner à deux and even though there was only the two of us I found it really embarrassing when he told me off for putting my elbows on the table. What's the deal?
A. If this is his idea of romantic dinnertime conversation, give him the elbow! Elbows on the table are comme il faut unless your nails are chipped or you're inhibiting the ability of the person beside you to join in the conversation - not the case on that fateful night at The Sanderson it seems! How can a girl show off her bits of Tiffany or describe something in Italian with her elbows tucked surreptitiously under the table like a dirty secret? Unless you have something to hide, bring those elbows to the fore.
Q. I can't say no. Even when I try and say no people usually end up persuading me to change my mind.
A. "No" as a word is laden with disappointment and no girl likes to disappoint, but into in every life a little disappointment must fall. I suggest using the phrase "Unfortunately that doesn't work for me." I find that this simple mot juste strikes just the right note of regret without inviting negotiation or offering explanation. I find it so perfect in fact, I sometimes employ it when what I really want to say is yes.
Q. I'm off to meet my boyfriend' parents and I want them fall in love with me, I had planned to take some flowers but I'm not certain what sort - or would chocolates be a better gift? He's told me that his mother is a huge snob, a practicing Buddhist, a vegetarian, hates smokers and doesn't drink.
A. I'm already hating her. Chocolates are a waistline vice and as such a devilishly bitchy gift for any girl to make to another. Girls don't want to be the cause of someone else's weight gain - even if she is a stuck-up religious fanatic with a drinking problem. Flowers are also pleasing but I prefer to say it with absinthe or for more informal occasions, champagne. Even the abstentious need a bottle of champagne on hand - in case someone brilliant walks into their life - such as you darling! PS: Make sure it's a chilled bottle - hopefully they'll take the hint and start pouring as you walk through the door.
Q. In my line of business, I sometimes take men (or even groups of men) out to restaurants and I find the whole wine ordering ritual so awkward that I usually let one of guys do it.
A. All those boys to yourself…darling, too Robert Palmer for words! But as for having them order for you, Quelle horreur. You'll be wearing a bib and asking them to spoon-feed you next. As the host, it falls to you to order the wine for the table - taking into account your guest's preferences naturally. As the host, the waiter will bring the bottle to you to try. If they head for one of the men at the table, the man in question should rectify the waiter's faux pas by slapping him hard against the right cheek though a more mild mannered chap might prefer to simply point the host - in this case you - out. If he should fail in his duty to you it would be perfectly acceptable for you to throw a glass of water over both of them, but you may simply prefer to direct him to your glass yourself. You'll be shown the label, and offered a small amount in your glass to make sure it's at the correct temperature and drinkable. If there's a problem send it back, otherwise the waiter will fill everybody's glass starting with the girls and ending with the host. PS: ...just because you are assuming a once traditional male role as host doesn't give the guys at the table an excuse to dispense with their manners. Male guests should pull out your chair when you are being seated, all male guests should stand when you do, light your cigarettes, help you into your jacket, laugh at all your jokes and generally be charming. Etiquette can never undermine you and has nothing to do with gender inequality. Etiquette is always a mark of respect and never to be dispensed with.
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Exert from Tyne's Manifesto of Modern Etiquette for Girls
... because every smart girl in heels knows, you have to know the rules before you can break them.
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