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“Tyne O’Connell is the Queen Bee incarnate!” The Daily Telegraph
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Tyne O’Connell inhabits the worlds she writes about: exotic, unconventional, off-piste in every way.
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Boarding School |
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A Potted Guide to Boarding School Life
Everything you wanted to know about boarding school and a few things you didn’t.
My three children all ran away to boarding school when they were eleven. I tried to hold onto their little ankles but after they’d dragged me out of inner Londres I lost my grip and let go. I called, emailed and wrote tear stained letters for months, begging them to come home but they remained resolute. ‘Sorry Mumsy Darling, but love you as we do, we have to think of our futures.’
We have to face it as parents, while our children are the best thing to ever happen to us, there’s an outside possibility that we may not be the best thing to ever happen in our children’s lives.
So what's the big attraction with boarding school? Why is it The Latest Craze? How has boarding school reinvented itself so thoroughly that children around the world are begging their parents to give up their pension funds and send them to boarding school. There must be a reason. I went to find out. Now I know what it is!
My sleuthing mission turned up all sorts of treasures as well as a few old boots, which led to the Calypso Chronicles, a series of four books translated into over a dozen languages, set in the milieu of a “fictitious” English girl’s boarding school near a “fictitious” English boy’s boarding school. From the four books sprang a boarding school blog & chat room. Then I was inundated with emails from parents, asking why does my child want to go to boarding school? Can it really be that advantageous?
The consensus is teens who board are as near to perfect as teens get – and that’s very near indeed.
Is Boarding School Better For Parent-Teen Relationships? There is no doubt that generally speaking children thrive at the right boarding school and parents that send their children to boarding school tend to have much closer relationships with their offspring that the parents who day school their teens. Perhaps this is because you’re not sweating the small stuff and every moment you spend with them is so special. It’s a big decision for parents and teens hence this potted guide on what to expect. Your children’s education is one of those Big Life Decisions so you need to do your research. Spread your net wide. Google, visit schools, talk to other parents. I recommend the fabulous Tatler School Guide. http://www.tatler.co.uk/Schools/2008/ or if you're in the States, you can check out the Right School website http://www.rightschool.com/
Missing Friends & Family? After a few weeks your children will not miss you, at least not in the same way that you’ll miss them. If they do miss you it’s important to reassure them that they can come home. The more I reminded my children of that the more determined they were to stay. It’s important to select the school carefully but apparently roughly one in a hundred children decide boarding is not for them. If you are a needy parent such as moi, they won’t have you breathing down their neck. Given my way I would wrap my children in cotton wool and carry them about in my pocket. If you are divorcing, remarrying or mad your children can at least escape some of the home drama while at school. Also they won’t have to commute which will mean they won’t develop curvature of the spine before they hit twenty. Another big plus for them is they get more time to hang out with their friends. Usually there’s a bit of dorm sharing in the early years as a boarder so learning to rub along with others is an essential skill. Like family the people in your dorm aren’t going anywhere in a hurry. In the words of one boarder I spoke to, “One day that girl you hate might be the girl you need to cover for you. And what if you want to borrow lip-gloss or their fake ID or their mobile (cell) phone? You know, so you can ring yours when you lose it in your duvet or leave it in a friend’s dorm?” The consensus seems to be boarding school makes you more tolerant and easy going than your day school mates.
Pining Parents? Yes, you will miss your children. I sobbed dreadfully. Their father’s didn’t. They rolled their eyes at my pining so much that they developed confocal squints. In a connected world of mobile phones and email, boarding school is one of the charming last bastions of the good old fashioned hand written letter. Most schools send your children home for EXEAT weekends a few times a term and boarding school holidays are longer and terms shorter so fear not, you will remain central to Charlie and Flo’s life. You’ll just no longer be the one telling Charlie to stop leaving his socks on the kitchen table and you’ll no longer have anyone to say ‘Don’t speak to me like that’. The upside is, this will bring you closer. I feel like an alien around mothers who day school their children because all they do is complain about the relay race that is their life. There are also plenty of opportunities for parents to be involved with the school and to socialise with other parents.
Academia? On the downside the teachers work the pupils to death because private schools care deeply about the League Tables (a ranking system of top schools) so squeezing A-grades out of sensitive young minds is a top priority from the school’s perspective. Again a Cheltenham Ladies girl I asked said, ‘If you want to do well academically and be marvellously successful in life, like travel business class and all that: have nice clothes and accessories etc, boarding school is quite good. Also boarding schools put loads more effort into helping you discover what direction you want to take in life and offer more choices.’ They also need to fill up student’s days and evenings so they offer a slew of extra curricular activities, such as film making clubs, fencing salles, debating societies, dressmaking, yoga, rowing. The list is exhaustive so check out the school guides. Each school is like a little village or town; a fascinating mini-society so it’s important to find the right fit. Find the village/town your children would like to live in.
Financials? Bursaries, scholarships and other fee saving devices are individual to each school but where there’s a will there is often a way so research and ask.
Food? Despite the glossy propaganda machines of private schools promising gourmet meals the food remains resolutely foul-ish. Salad bars and desert trolley’s always look better in glossy brochures than real life. Nevertheless boarders are a healthy lot so the food must be jam packed with vitamins and minerals. And of course there’s always the Common Room toaster and tuck to fall back on. Charlie and Flo will thrive. I was reassured to find that the boarding schools I researched were all very clued up about eating disorders and dangerous health zeitgeists in general.
Single Sex or Mixed? There are so many issues involved here. Single sex schools will deliver better academic results and as a girl you won’t need to apply makeup every day and usually there is a sister/brother school nearby so you won’t exactly be starved for socials. Mixed schools have bad reputations (teen pregnancy, acne, STD’s etc) but one girl’s champagne is another mans beer as they say. Keep an open mind as you visit the schools and talk to the pupils. You will pick up the gossip pretty fast and know what school is right for you.
Discipline? Boarding schools have rules on drinking and smoking but they all have a zero tolerance when it comes to drugs. Some schools even insist on urine tests and other shenanigans. Nevertheless there are schools which have A Reputation. I’m not mentioning any specific schools but you know who you are and so does the rest of the world. Start googling, check out the Tatler School Guide - it's on the internet http://www.tatler.co.uk/Schools/2008/ Tatler School Guide - it's on the internet or in the USA www.rightschool.com |